UGGG Sometimes the signs are ALL right there in front of me and I just wasn’t listening (and sometimes sadly am still not). Seriously, What Is Up With That?? I’m taking an inventory of my life and assessing what’s REALLY been happening over the last 3 years. Three years ago, I invested in myself and joined a year-long mastermind. So I want to take a look, a little inventory, and reflect on how I’ve changed, grown and opened up.
Three years ago… Where was I? Who was I? What did I want? What were my fears? AND most importantly what did I miss along the way?
“Where was I?”
Three years ago, I was working full-time, taking a break from my unsuccessful life coaching business and back consulting. Three years ago, a dear friend, diagnosed with cancer, and his mother moved into my home. I had two new people living with me and a few new dynamics as well. A mom/son relationship. A family from another country, the UK (go Crawley Soccer). Two new roommates and Cancer. It was a lot. AND I was back in my corporate career. I knew my corporate career was not where I was meant to be. I knew in my heart there was more in my life I was meant to do and I knew it was time to do something about it. If not now, then when? Was I going to wait yet another year? There was something igniting about a friend being diagnosed with cancer that gave me a little kick in the butt. There was a mentor I knew intuitively I was meant to learn from I knew it was time to step up. So I decided to head down to San Diego to a live event. It was 100% on intuition that I said YES to the mastermind Lisa Sasevich invited me to join. I was terrified, yet I KNEW in my heart if I didn’t do this I would be worse off then if I didn’t do it. Choose your regrets, right? So I said YES. (I’ll go into more depth in my next blog regarding listening to your intuition).
“Who was I?”
A girl with a dream. A BIG PHAT DREAM! A girl who knew in her heart her purpose was BIG and who needed to get out of her own way and move forward. I was a girl who wanted to step into her greatness and show up as her BEST SELF. The mastermind totally allowed me to do this. Everyone, and I mean everyone, in the group saw the best in me and they held me to those standards. It was intoxicating, liberating and addicting. I liked this newly discovered “best of me”.
“What did I want?”
I wanted fame, fortune and fun. I wanted to build a financially successful business. I wanted to leave my corporate consulting career. I wanted to feel comfortable in my own skin. Confidently pursuing my dreams. Being the best of me ALL THE TIME. I wanted it so badly!!!! But….
“What were my fears?”
OMG The fears… the paralyzing fears. The fear of being discovered, of being the best of me, of being rejected by friends and family, fear of falling flat on my face, the fear of failing miserably… the fear of this BIG PHAT DREAM not working out and me having to go back to my miserable cubical career – OUCH! I only saw my life in two ways… Living my dream OR Living a miserable depressing existence. There was no grey area.
“What did I miss along the way?”
Ummm a whole hell of a lot!!! I was so into my fears, my less than, my not deserving and my biggest fear of shining in my true light, my true self. I missed that I had opened my home and heart to friends, who became family, and the beauty of helping them have a place to live while they went through their most difficult time in life. (RIP my dear friend Mike Ryan, love you buddy and am grateful that I still feel you in my world). I missed that I stepped up and invested in myself. I trusted my intuition 100% and have NEVER regretted the time or money I spent on myself in the mastermind. I didn’t notice how much my intuition was growing. I didn’t notice that my connection with the Universe was transitioning into an intimate relationship with Source whom I refer to as God. I missed that I was healing my relationship with myself, my family and my exes. I missed that I was taking 100% responsibility for my life. EVERYTHING in it I owned. I didn’t notice that I was continuously facing my fears, taking chances and opening my heart to new ways of thinking. I became the host of Raving Fan Radio which grew a listenership by 3,000 each month. It’s now at over 60,000. I missed that I had the courage to leave my corporate contact. I missed that I was helping others along the way. I wrote an eBook, blogs and articles. Created my website, made offers and started writing, speaking and mentoring people. I was touching people’s lives just by being me. I could easily see where people where hiding but didn’t give myself permission to share what I saw. I doubted my intuition and missed that it was spot on!
I was so wrapped up in pursing the DREAM that I wasn’t noticing the grey area; I wasn’t noticing that there were aspects of my DREAM that I was doing every single day! The BIG PHAT DREAM was to be speaking, writing and helping people step into their true self and love themselves. Help women of the world HEAL. Along the path I didn’t notice that every little thing I was doing was a step in the right direction, one more step closer to truly living my dream.
It’s been very recent that I can honestly say I now live my purpose and give myself FULL permission to receive ALL the glory, love & light that is meant to come my way. I give myself permission to rise above and be a Champion to Feminine Leaders. To help others step up into their true potential, as a leader, in order to serve and help others with their OWN BIG PHAT DREAM! I now feel like a woman. I feel confident and comfortable in my own skin. Fully embracing this journey and continue to bravely face my fears and courageously step-up in a new and even bigger way.
It amazes me how much I missed along the way, the credit I refused to give myself. The love I held at bay. The lack of acknowledgement of the gifts others saw in me. It took some time, but as soon as I gave myself permission to receive my true purpose – my life changed into a beautiful canvas of expression. So I ask you… What are you missing? What are you not giving yourself credit for? AND in order to live this BIG PHAT DREAM of yours…. Who do you need permission from?