Home Alone on a Friday Night!

I’m home alone on a Friday night and I’m fully enjoying myself.  Pandora’s tuned to 80’s pop WomanDancingand I’m dancing in the backyard.  Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”, then comes Prince “Kiss”.  I’m sure if anyone saw me they would think I’m drunk.

Nope.  It’ just me!  Just so happens I’m dead sober, single and home alone on a Friday night.  I’m dancing and celebrating my complete satisfaction of a fabulous day!!  Whoot! Whoot!

As I dance, gratitude consumes my heart, a smile on my face.  I’m happy.  I feel good and I remember…

Not so long ago it was a completely different story I was in a MUCH different place. And by “not so long ago” I mean exactly one week ago.

UpsetWoman

I had a sinus infection and I was sitting on the couch…  It’s Friday night.  I’m home alone. By myself.  Again.  It’s not that I want to be out it’s that I just don’t want to be HERE…again.  I feel freaking miserable, this sinus infection is the most painful disgusting thing ever!!  Man this sucks.  I swore I wouldn’t get all negative again but here I am throwing a bit of a pity party for myself.  “Well tell me how you really feel?” I hear the sarcastic voice inside my head say.  It’s taunting me. I hate her.

I’m annoyed.  Tell you how I really feel?  Tell you that my life completely sucks.  I’m fuckingsick AGAIN and there’s no one to go to the store for me!  There’s no one to lean on, there’s no shoulder to cry on.  I want that.  I desperately want that tonight.  I want to be held by a man that loves & adores me.  I want to nestle up to him and lay my head comfortably on his shoulder.  He pulls me in tight; his embrace always warms me.  I bury my head in his shoulder.  I pull my legs up in a ball, I feel like a little girl in his arms. It feels good here.  I fall asleep.

I wake to a coughing fit and realize I’m not in anyone’s arms.  My nose is dripping and I feel like each nostril is stuffed with a handful of cotton.  OMG it feels like someone just punched the ManHoldingWomaninside of my skull!  Then I feel it.  The wave of emotions coming on.  I’m sad. I’m sad there’s no one here to ask me if I’m okay. I’m sad I don’t have anyone to get me my medicine, fill up my water glass or rub my feet. It’s heavy in my belly, I feel it move up my body and my throat tightens.  I’ve been here before; I know what’s coming next.  I feel the burning in the back of my eyes, I swallow hard and the tears come.  They come on fast and strong.  They run down my face. This fucking sucks.  I’m sick and I’m so fucking lonely.  I hate this.  Oh great my nose is now even more stuffed up… how is that even possible.  I cry and I cry and I cry.   I cry because I have no one to take care of me.  I cry because my head hurts. I cry because it’s the only thing that feels right.  I think I’ve been crying for 5 minutes now.  It feels good to get it out.  It feels good to release it.

Yup that was me just last Friday night. I’d like to be able to say it was just that night but it wasn’t.  Those feelings lasted for days.  Somewhere in the midst of my fit of tears, feeling horrible and feeling sorry for myself I thought about what I wanted and needed.  I’ve thought of it before but never did anything about it.  I want friends I can talk to. Like right when I’m going through it.  Friday night at 10:45pm at night.  I want someone to be there for me!  Someone who understands, someone who can comfort me and someone who can reflect back to me that I’m feeling like this more because I’m sick then anything else.  I want to talk to someone who understands what I’m going through.  The words hit me.  Single Girl Support.  I like it.  So I search on FB groups, I search on Google.  Nothing that suits my fancy pops up.

sgs_squareInstead of complaining I decide to take action and create my own FB group to join together like-minded women, who are pursuing their dreams, creating thriving careers, becoming successful solo-entrepreneurs.  Women who just so happen to also be single.  Women like me.  Women who are home alone on a Friday night wanting to connect with someone who really “get’s it” .  Since I couldn’t find what I wanted I decided to create the Facebook Group “Permission to Receive SINGLE GIRL SUPPORT”.  With the intent of creating a community of women who are amazing and have so much to give.  Women who have so much to offer this world.  Women who are pursuing their dreams and oh yeah, also just so happen to be single.  If that is you, then girlie, I get you.  I invite you to join the party and come together with like-minded successful single women.  A place for us to share and grow and learn from one another.  Whether you are having a snot filled cry-fest, like I did last Friday night or having a night like tonight… an amazing Friday night dancing in the backyard belting out Cindy Lauper “All Through the Night”.  Where ever your are at, it’s all good, we are here for you.

Come join us because we get you!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/SingleGirlSupport/